April 13, 1992 Orem, Utah

Dearest John; Roy, Patrice, Emily & Timothy; Bob, Claire, Michael, Laura, Brett & Katie; Rick, Jean, Ricky, Barbara Jean, Mary Ann & Sarah; and Ron, Ann, Susanna, Jessie, Russell, LeeAnna & Jimmy:

This will be a sad letter but I feel I must write it because I don't want to forget anything.

Daddy passed away on April 3rd at three o'clock in the morning. That was on a Friday - I had sat by him all day on Thursday and tried to get him to talk to me but he was in a coma I guess. I worried so much that Bob wouldn't get here in time - I knew it was impossible for Roy to get here and Daddy would not have wanted him to come and then have him linger for several more days or even weeks. Death is quite like birth in that regard - it happens when it's supposed to happen. Ann & Jean had spent so much time here during the week and of course, John has been with him almost as much as I have but Bob hadn't seen him for a week and a half. His breathing was so rapid - I tried to breathe that fast and could only do it for a very few minutes and he had been doing it for about twenty-four hours.

Bob got here about 8 o'clock in the evening and when he looked at Daddy, he said, "Mom and John, we're down to moments". He hurried and called Ann & Jean and Jean drove here from Farmington in her nightgown and left her children alone - Rick was in Idaho. We all sat around the hospital bed and took turns loving Daddy and trying to get him to respond - I really believe he had been gone for about thirty hours by then. We all made beds around his hospital bed and about 2 o'clock in the morning his breathing became slow and we could hardly hear him and Bob felt his pulse constantly. He actually died at 2:55 but for the record we said 3 a.m. His death was somewhat of a relief to all of us - we knew he could never get well and I felt like he was in control to the very end and was not going to die until as many of us as possible could be, were here. When Ann & Jean and I would stand by his hospital bed the last week we all said silent prayers that he could go home - we said, often, "He isn't living". Bob said such a sweet simple prayer as we all kneeled by his bed and I know Daddy was with us. Bob called Wing mortuary in Lehi and they came for him by 4 a.m. - that was hard!!! I am so grateful to have him free from pain - he has suffered for too long. We have been promised that we will all be together as a family and what a wonderful thing.

I have just written 132 thank you notes - everyone has been so kind - they really loved Daddy. The very first note I should have written should have been to you. You each one gave everything you could possibly give and I love you all so much. I feel bad that it was such a terrible expense for Roy & Patrice but they assure me that they want to handle it. I am also grateful that they would come in January and February so they could remember Daddy as he should be remembered. I was so pleased to talk to Emily last night and she said, "I miss PaPa so much" - I hope all of you will talk about him to your children really often and help them to remember him. Bob - how can I tell you how much it meant to me for you to be right by me through the viewing, funeral etc. besides the two weekends you were here to help and give advice. The people in the kitchen were so impressed with Michael - he expressed his thanks for the food so exuberantly and said he just loved the rice!!! Annie & Jeannie were right with me every step of the way and what a joy to have them come so often. I really appreciate Ron & Rick coming as often as they could too - they were here all afternoon the day before he died.

THEN THERE IS JOHN!!! I will NEVER forget how tender he was with his Dad as we bathed him each morning. I think I frightened Lynn because I shake so and I guess I'm kinda' rough and to have John care for him so much pleasure and relief. The Hospice nurses wanted to come each morning to bathe him and John didn't want them anywhere around - he was very possessive of his Dad and wanted to do it all himself. He called home so many times during the day to see how he was. He has won the hearts of everyone in the ward and especially our neighbors as he has cared for the yard and done so many things.

We have the most wonderful pictures that I will treasure for the rest of my life. I am not going to let them out of my sight until I get them in an album and then I'll let you choose what ones you want. I took a picture of Daddy the day he died that is very graphic and you probably won't even want to see it but it means a lot to me - his lips were so dry and I kept putting Blistex on them. I wanted it to give me some relief because it shows how much he needed to go. Patrice took a picture of me in back of Lynn in his coffin that I will treasure also. I just know some of you will think I'm a little weird but for some reason pictures REALLY help me - I believe it's because I have a weak mind and can't remember some of the things that mean a lot to me. The pictures are just precious - they had them all developed before they left and left them with me along with the negatives. There is one of Jimmy looking at Daddy in his coffin that is so heart rendering I almost cry everytime I look at it. There was nothing about Daddy's death, viewing, funeral or burial that was eerie to me - I feel that his death was a beautiful and very peaceful thing and he was with us and will continue to be with us always.

I am an accepted member of our ward and community now because the people have met our family. The Bishop came over last night to visit with me and he said, "I have never been so impressed with a family like I was yours". We have always been so well liked and accepted before and I didn't realize until now that it was because of all of you. John could have helped out a little more in that respect here but he wants to keep his distance from all the mothers who have daughters his age - Ha!!!

It is hard for me to realize that Daddy's brother-in-law, Winston Crawford, died one week to the day after Daddy did. He had been to our home with his famous warm applesauce the week before and then he had an aneurism and died within two weeks. He was such a dear, dear man and we loved him. He made applesauce that was just delicious and he was convinced it would make Lynn well if he would eat it. He was 80 years old and had lived a wonderful life just like Daddy so it isn't sad - I wish Daddy could have had 9 more years. The thing that is funny is that Ramona has been the sick one - she has had a series of heart attacks and many operations and he has been responsible for her welfare in taking her medications, etc. for at least 20 years. She has a wonderful family and they will watch over her. Jeannie is going to come down and go to the funeral with me tomorrow. Ron called and said he would take me to the viewing tonight unless he has to go to Salt Lake to confer with the attorneys. I am supposed to go to a shower for Nichol Sondrup tonight at Helena Jacobsen's home - I don't know what I'll do - maybe go there late.

I'm having a hard time leaving the house. I am just fine as long as I stay home but when I get away I get a little sick. Charles Beyers & Cissie called and when I told them that, Charles said, "You'd better get counseling soon". I think it will pass in time. Shawna Theobald just called me - I had told her that - she said she has a friend whose husband died three months ago and she is having the same problem. She went for counseling and was told it is called "cocooning" and to give it more time. I really believe all I need is to be alone a little more - I have had a constant stream of visitors - some bringing me lunch, some ice cream treats and some plants to plant and others just to visit - I really do appreciate it but I am one person who doesn't mind being alone. Do you all remember what Daddy was going to put on my tombstone - "Alone at last" - Ha!!!

Annie and their children left to go to Mexico this morning. Ron's trial is continuing into this week so he couldn't go right now and they invited me to use his ticket and go with them. I said yes at first and then I thought of Winston & Ramona and all the things I need to do for them and I just plain don't want to leave the house - THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH ANYWAY, WOOLLEYS!!!

John went with me and we picked out a beautiful family monument for the cemetery. It is about 4 ft. wide and will be light grey granite - that shows the least water marks. They promised me it would be in for Memorial Day. I would have chosen a smaller one so I'm glad he was with me because this is just perfect.

I went to church yesterday and got along just fine. I had told people to not give me any special attention so they didn't and it was very natural. My sweet friend who is also a widow, Beth Tippetts, followed me home so I wouldn't be alone but then she saw John here so she left. He left to go to Las Vegas for a trade show for his business yesterday afternoon so I have been alone and am DOING JUST FINE!!! I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!

P.s. I feel like I need to write some more to make this more complete.

Friday morning about 10:30 Bob, John, Ann, Jean & I went over to Wing mortuary. I chose to have them take care of the services because Lehi will always be like home to Daddy & me. We still have so many friends over there and Aunt Marvel had left us three burial places in the Lehi cemetery. I chose the spot for Daddy just above Aunt Marvel - his feet will be at her head on resurrection morning!!!

Ralph & Willa Wing have been friends of ours for a long time - they did the services for Aunt Marvel and all of my family in Lehi. Ralph met with us and discussed the services and when he asked if we wanted to have a military service we all said yes, but I hadn't thought of it before. Then we selected the casket - it was a beautiful bronze one with shafts of wheat embroidered on the inside of the lid. We gave him all the things he needed except for Daddy's honorable discharge papers and I couldn't find them. After looking through two cedar chests and our filing system I finally found them in our safety deposit box in the bank in Lehi which is where I should have looked in the first place.

Ann & Jean and I came home and they went to get chimichangos - our Bishop came while we were eating and we planned the funeral services (actually we had them all planned before he got here). Bob & John went over to the farm in Lehi for a little bit of relaxation. Soon after that, the Relief Society sisters started coming with food - it was absolutely wonderful - everyone brought food for four days.

Jeannie wanted to stay with me but I told her I wanted to go to bed and wouldn't even know she was here so she left to go home. She had been with us when her family really needed her - little Barji had had the flu and had been really sick. Annie had gone home earlier.

Bob stayed with us on Friday and ran so many errands for me and also Friday night and then went home on Saturday and got Katie and then went to Salt Lake to pick up Roy, Patrice, Emily & Timothy and they all came back here. It was just wonderful to have those happy voices in our home and they played So well together. It was so good to have them here in our home and we had a little bit of rest before our big day on Sunday.

Sunday was our General Conference so we "kinda" watched that and visited until time to go to Lehi for Daddy's viewing. That started at 6 p.m. and when we got there at 5:30, people were already there and they kept coming until at least 9 p.m.
Monday was the funeral - at 10 a.m. - we had a viewing from 9 until 10 in the Relief Society room and I still can't believe all the people who came and they came from a long ways away. It was a beautiful funeral - Bob gave the family prayer before they closed the casket, Roy gave the biographical sketch and John gave the dedicatory prayer at the cemetery. The grandchildren sang " I Am A Child Of God" and " Love One Another" and Jessie, LeeAnna & Mary Ann played a violin accompaniment along with Jeannie at the piano and Annie leading. I had asked Mel Manning to speak they were supposed to leave to go on a vacation that had been planned for months on Friday - they got their plane tickets changed so they could be here (I really appreciated that). I loved his talk. One of our missionaries, David Taylor, was asked to sing the song Daddy loved to hear him sing in the mission - "I Walked Today where Jesus Walked" and he had to come from California but he did a wonderful job. Our Lehi Bishop, Craig Berry, spoke and he did a great job too. One of our friends, Malcolm Jeppsen, is a general authority and he asked the Bishop if he could say a few words and he just put the frosting on the cake. Our Home Teachers, Steve and Chad Frisby, spoke and their talks were just perfect. The closing song is one of my favorites - "In My Father's House Are Many Mansions" and it was sung by a quarter of people from our Ward and it was just beautiful.

I was So thrilled with just everything and more proud of our family than I have ever been even with all your degrees.

Rick gave the opening prayer and Ron gave the closing prayer and they also served as pallbearers. It was very difficult for Ron to be there - he is in a trial with his work and it was supposed to start that morning. He has said since though that Daddy's funeral was very important in putting him in the proper frame of mind for the trial to see the contrast between a man who was receiving such great tribute for his honesty and integrity and then this trial that was concerned solely with material things and things of the world. That would please Daddy very much!!!

The pallbearers were: Elliott Braithwaite, Glen Pinegar, Winston Crawford, Earl Miller, Dee Forrest & Don Forrest, all brothers-in-law and his good friend Ray Edwards from Lehi. Honorary pallbearers were: Michael Mellor, Richard Weinert, Ronald Woolley, Ricky Weinert and Russell Woolley.

The 21 gun salute and presentation of the flag to me was very impressive. Our Bishop said last night that there would be very few military funerals from now on because there haven't been wars like World War I and World War II - I hadn't thought of that.

After we left the cemetery, we all were invited back to the church for lunch. I invited all my Brigham City friends because the Relief Society had planned for them but they decided to go on home. The luncheon was just wonderful and all the places were filled. They had put some of the plants on as centerpieces and it was beautiful.

I took a large arrangement of red roses over to the Oncology Clinic - they have been wonderful to us! Roy & Patrice left the next morning to go home and our home seemed empty without them.
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